i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
