Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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