see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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