Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
