im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
