i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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