I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she peed on how many people?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
