so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
