That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
