shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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