Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
