For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
