I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just shotgunned beers for America
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
