I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
