I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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