You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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