Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
