We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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