He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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