Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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