mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
