I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
