Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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