just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
