im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize