Three words: puerto rican gang bang
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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