That's when you crack a 10am beer
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
