Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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