Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
