Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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