new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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