We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
