i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
how drunk are you?
Several
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
