Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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