Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.