Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.