Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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