everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard