Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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