I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blood and glitter go together right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.