His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
