Your face is a jimmy john
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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