Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
