it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
