***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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