if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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