You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
