found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
