Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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