I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
