Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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