My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
