I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
