she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
