pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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