I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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