i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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