It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
