Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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