So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
