my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
