yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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