I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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