dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
