So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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