Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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