i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
